I’m getting married in October and I still haven’t asked all my bridesmaids. Is that bad? Here’s the thing: I didn’t really comprehend how important they were until just recently. Not my friends, mind you — I TOTALLY get how much I need them in my life and on my wedding day. But “bridesmaids,” in general.
I’ve been in a handful of weddings. I’m absolutely honored that, of all the people in each of these women’s lives, I was asked to be among the few who stand by her side on one of the most important days of her life. In the months, weeks and days leading up to the wedding, I offered my services and support. I pitched in on bachelorette and shower planning, and on the big day, I fetched bottled water, held doors, zipped zippers.
And I drank free champagne from a fancy flute.
But in reality, don’t all friends do those things? Like, were those tasks super special because I had a new title? Not really. So honestly, what’s the point of a bridesmaid? That’s the part I had trouble with.
And what’s a good number? Like, how do you choose how many of your many friends you’ll separate out on your wedding day by dressing them in something snazzier than what everyone else is wearing? The whole concept was just silly to me.
So here’s what I did: I figured out who knew most of my dirty little secrets, and I asked them to join my Bride Tribe. Seriously.
And here’s why: Those are the women I trust the most.
I’m a very private, very hard-to-get-to-know person (outside of this über public, available worldwide blog, of course…). But a few (and I mean FEW) people have pushed through the cracks of my hard exterior and gotten to know the real me, good and bad. I trust them with all my troubles, all my heartaches, all my successes, all my passions. I can talk to them about anything and not ever worry that the details of our conversation will go any further.
These are the women who have stood by me through my finest and darkest moments, and the ones I go to for advice, encouragement and support. These are the women I need to offer their services in the months, weeks and days leading up to my wedding. And on my big day, I’ll probably need them to fetch bottled water, hold doors and zip zippers.
But I will also need them to make me laugh, which they’re all SO good at doing. And fetch tissues when I get emotional, which is often. And hug me when the weight of the day gets too heavy. And remind me that, although they’re not there physically, my parents are there in spirit and that’s enough.
I will need them to give me the strength I need on my wedding day, and hold my hand through a few of the tasks I’ll muster through before we even get to that day.
And, in exchange, I’ll give them champagne and a fancy flute.
When I really put some thought into what a bridesmaid is, it made more sense. I mean, I realize some people choose bridesmaids based on various reasons, but for me, on my most special day, I wanted the people closest to my heart to be closest to me in distance.
Turns out, it’s a pretty big deal. So narrowing the few “candidates” (which is a horrible word, but I don’t know what else to call them) to even fewer is hard. And each one deserves a proposal that means as much to them as those women to do me.
This is a lot of pressure, people!
So, by next week and my next blog entry, I will have completed my Bride Tribe and I will be able to introduce you all to the crew who knows all my dirty little secrets and continues to love me anyway…